A Neutral Thanksgiving to You

I woke up this morning - and much like most mornings when I awaken - felt only the dense weight of sleep’s residue, that fog that clouds over my mind and body, besetting me upon my daily return from the unconsciousness to present moment awareness. This all fine and normal, well and good. I had no doubt the fog would lift in time.

None of this so far, was striking or unusual. What I did notice, however, that was particularly different about this late November Thursday — different from the last who knows how many annual recurrences of a well-known holiday — is that I didn’t wake up particularly thankful. Pretty much not even at all, to be quite frank. And not to say that I was unthankful, because I was’t. Rather I was sitting on a level, a perfectly balanced seesaw right in between the two. Suffice to say, I simply woke up. Nothing more. Nothing less.

It was noticeable because typically I am infected to a healthy degree by the spirit of the season and holiday. I am aware that practicing gratitude is good for the soul. I’m aware that my existence and present state of being is in large part due to other people - people who are worthy and deserving of my thanks. And because of these things, I have spent many years of Thanksgivings, scouring my contact list and excitedly sending thoughtfully-crafted messages throughout the day to everyone who has ever meant anything to me. It brings me great joy to do so. But not this year. This year I simply woke up.

Thanksgiving didn’t even feel real this year until today, when I was driving to Denver and walked into Bethany’s house for the annual friendsgiving she puts on. There was no build-up for me. No expectation. No excitement. Someone mentioned yesterday at work that we should be wishing customers a happy thanksgiving. It hadn’t even donned on me! In fact, this information almost shocked me. “That’s tomorrow?!” I exclaimed. It seemed so distant and …unreal. Unimportant.

I could spout speculations for the reasons for or meaning of this strange and different feeling around the Thanksgiving holiday to me this year, but I see no need. I don’t know why things are as they are. But today I’m choosing to accept them unconditionally. I don’t feel bad or wrong about any of it.

So with that, I wish a very neutral Thanksgiving from me and mine, to you and yours. May this day be whatever you need it to be. Ciao.